The Balancing Act

18 Oct

It seems as though not only is the flu going around, but so is the stress bug. I know I have caught it, I see and hear my friends and fellow bloggers talk about how stressed, overwhelmed and imbalanced they feel lately.

I was surprised to find out that I wasn’t alone, feeling overwhelmed by the many to-dos that come along in a day.  From work, the commute (2.5 hrs/day), coaching, hitting the gym, spending time with PG and Henry, keeping up my social life and maintaining at least a decent household and some edible food is more than one can fit in a day – and yet, I try.  How nuts is that?! My days start way too early and ends way too late with little quality ‘stuff’ in between.  My days pass by in a dizzy with more of a ‘check-the-box’ attitude then actually enjoying what I am doing.

In yoga class, my instructor asked us to think of the one thing that we truly enjoy during the day. Something that makes us happy and brings us joy. I was stumped. I had no answer.  What is there to say? I do things because I have to. Everything in my life has become a requirement, even my workouts are not the stress release that they used to be…I don’t leave feeling like a new, refreshed self. Instead, my mind is thinking ahead of running out of the gym so I can shower, maybe dry my hair, grab a cup of coffee and hit the road for work by 6:45 a.m. Terrible.

The issue is, how do I solve this numb life that I have found myself in? PG suggested cutting back on the gym…not an option.  I LOVE the gym and despite my current love/hate relationship, it is an activity that has brought me so much over the past few years and has kept me sane. I would feel like a bowl of mush if I gave up working out. And, in the past, working out has provided a mental break too where I can either work through my thoughts or even have none at all and just have a blank mind for an hour.

Then he suggested skating. Again, sooo not an option.  I LOVE skating with all of my heart and soul. It is how I identify myself, “Hi, I’m Brynn and I skated at MSU. Yup, 24 years and counting!” Skating is my sacred place – it’s just me, the ice and the cold air. It is my form of meditation in a way. There is nothing like an empty arena at 5am, it is a very quiet place where you can work out your issues. I love skating.

So, what is the answer? I am not trying to be philosophical, believe you me, I am truly asking myself what it is that can ease this constant chaos that has consumed my life.  Do I eliminate something, rearrange, new schedule? I miss spending time with Henry, our long walks and playing through the day. PG and I spend less time together, even going 24 hours without seeing each other (thanks to my schedule). What has changed the most is my work.  Two months ago I began a new assignment which has brough a new schedule, stress and demands on my life that are at times more than I can bare. So, where is the priority? I have had many conversations with my sister on this and even though the answer is always the same, it seems difficult to come to terms with the reality.

So for now, I bid you farewell as I scoot off to yet another ‘to-do.’ still lost, confused and overwhelmed. Sigh…

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